Complicated

I feel so lost right now. Everything in my life just feels like its unraveling. I feel indecisive and somewhat alone. I have great friends and I know that they will always be there for me, but sometimes I just feel as if maybe I could do more for myself. I have been really lonely these past couple of months, but it is only when I am by myself. When I am alone I have time to think about things that are ridiculous. I think about what my life may be like in 5 years if I go back to Michael, and I think I may really like it. And then I get sad because it makes me miss him. The truth is I miss him every second that I am alone. But I do not think about him at all when I am occupied. I know I shouldn't be with him, and I don't think I want to be, except for when I am alone. I don't know what to do. I just haven't been by myself in over 2 years it's so hard to be alone, and I am afraid of it. I think that's why I keep running back to him everytime...I think I get scared of whats going to happen when we are with different people. and I keep thinking I'm going to be okay in this crazy world, when really all I want is for him to be in my world. And then I'm not a lone anymore and I don't want anything to do with him, in the "loneliness filler"...of course I want him as my friend, but maybe that is way to difficult for us right now. I just really need to figure out what I want...but in truth I know what I want...and I don't think it is him. I don't want to have to work this much at a relationship. They should be easy as breathing, not hard...especially right now...of course one day I want to be married and I just think if we are working so hard right now...how hard will I have to work later? and at what cost?

Moving on

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather it makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the WRONG person...how beautiful and amazing it will feel when the RIGHT one comes along."

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional ling that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.

-So I'm forgiving you for everything you put me through. I'm forgiving you for hurting me, for sending me through sleepness nights, for making me cry more than making me smile, for not trusting me when I never told you a lie, for screaming into my face when all I ever did was try to make you happy...but most of all...I'm forgiving you for breaking my heart in two...and I'm forgiving you because you never realized you did it. I'm forgiving you so I can move on. I'm forgiving you so I can forget you.

Struggle a Bit

I think that sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as we could have been. And we could never fly away.
So I think the next time I am faced with an obstacle, and challenge, or a problem...I'm going to struggle just a little bit and then fly away.

There's More to Me than you!

"I believe in myself, that makes me stronger. Things have changed and so have I. You can clip my wings, but I'm still going to fly. I'm on my own and on my way. and I keep telling myself...There's more to me than you"